A Square Peg In A Round Hole

Greetings Loved Ones,

I love that we live in a time where we can feel free to wear whatever we want, love whoever we want, say whatever we want, be whoever we want….to an extent. I feel free enough to stay calm. But I also know that I am subconsciously conforming in one way or another each and every day, to fit the mold of who society wants me to be. It think we all are - it’s survival.

I still shave my legs and my armpits so that people will think I’m clean. Still pluck my chin hairs, straighten my hair, wear makeup, throw on heels for fancy events, post on IG every day for consistency. I went to college to get a good job…in the hopes that I would find a ‘successful partner’ to marry…in the hopes that I would get famous and make lots of money…so that people would love me.

While I don’t feel like I need to run around like a wild-woman, I am definitely cultivating an awareness about where I’ve been trying to be someone I’m actually not.

Story time. I dated a guy for about a year who I put on a pedestal. He was the epitome of the person I thought I was supposed to marry. He was ‘perfect’ - handsome, smart, witty, rich, a CEO. I was afraid that if he saw me for who I really was, that he would reject me. So, I became the woman I thought he wanted me to be. I would only wear heels around him, I slept in my makeup so that he wouldn’t see me without it, I got a job I thought he would approve of, I starved myself to be thin enough for him. It was nuts. Of course we broke up. How long can we put on a show like that? He was a huge expander for me - he was my matrix, and I broke free. We both did. When I was solo-dolo again, I remembered who I really was. I’m someone who loves to read, have provoking conversations, watch documentaries, go camping for a week without showering, make weird jokes, sleep in…you get it.

With a return to myself, I was able to call in an authentic partner, an exciting new job, a grounding environment , an inspiring group of friends…I re-discovered my joy. Relationships are our mirrors! They show us who we really are and how we are triggered. Relationships reveal our habits and our belief systems surrounding everything. They reveal our level of self worth.

Romantic partners are just single examples of how we fall into who we think we are supposed to be. But just about everything shows us these patterns of conformity! Where in your life are you a square peg trying to fit into a round hole? Is it your job? The city you live in? The way you talk? The clothes you wear? The media you consume? Where are you appeasing the matrix to be loved?

I’m here to remind you that the more you connect with your authentic self…the more you will be magnetic to love, to prosperity, to a wonderful life.

Love, Helen Denham

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