Learning How To Be A Better Friend
I’ve always looked up to my dad and sister for their social skills. They are masters when it comes to organizing gatherings and creating deep and long lasting friendships. I, on the other hand, am still learning how to do that. While I am confident in so many other areas of life, I tend to be shy when it’s my turn to initiate coffee dates or girls’ nights…I’ve always relied on someone else to make it happen.
In my head, I’ve told myself ‘you’re just an introvert, it’s fine’ or ‘your friends will come to you if they want to hang out’…or, the most frequent, ‘they don’t want or need to deal with your issues - all you do is unload when you talk to them’. Just writing those thoughts out allows me to realize that I’ve been carrying around some serious self limiting beliefs around friendship and self-worth. This is why I love writing - it really exposes that underlying stuff!
Another tidbit to note: I found out what my human design type was recently and I happen to be a ‘Projector’. One of the trademarks of a Projector is the need for an invitation - to speak, to hang out, to do anything really (as I took it). You can read more about human design here. Once I found out that I was a Projector, I really took the ‘invitation’ thing literally. I felt like anytime I reached out without an invitation to do so, I was in the wrong or I was unwanted. Furthermore, I’m a Cancer - need I say more? I realize now that our human design types or astrological signs, or Myers-Briggs types (etc.), should really just be tools for analyzing our strengths and weaknesses. We are creating our own realities and we are not victims of these archetypes by any means.
I had a great dinner and eye-opening conversation with a buddy tonight who I’ve known since grade school. She helped me understand that friendship requires attention. Attention is how we show love and appreciation - and consistent attention creates a long lasting bond. She helped me understand that I am certainly wanted…that it’s okay to text and call my buddies just to talk - they want that! Additionally, friendship requires a nonjudgemental approach. It’s necessary to just be sometimes without every move needing to be about self-improvement. Sometimes you just need some wine, snacks and a Kardashian moment to come back down to Earth.
Hopefully this inspires you to make the first move if you’re ever feeling shy about it. I’m right here with you, learning every day about how to give my loved ones more appropriate attention. It’s okay for us to take up space, to be heard, to let ourselves be seen and loved!
Finally, let’s not take our sweet friends for granted. The people in our lives are here for a reason, and they need us as much as we need them. Who can you reconnect with today? Shoot them a cute text
xo HD
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