From October to December: A Collection of Poetry for the End of the Year
written with love by helen denham
I -
i was always scared of wearing white
because to get it dirty
would reveal my imperfection
but the linen is so cozy
so fuck it
and when it gets dirty
i’ll wash it
and if you see my stains
then i was honest
II -
isn’t it fun that we can transform
at any given moment
choose a different character
write a different plotline
.. change the narrative
isn’t it fun to know that
every high and every low
is simply a chapter in
your wild book of life
that everything is temporary
that we are free
and we can choose our own adventures
isn’t it liberating to know
that we are spirits
having a physical experience
and this is really just a playground
so go play and cry and laugh and f e e l
write yourself an exciting plot line
and give yourself the grace to trust that
every version of you is welcome here
III -
consult the oracle
look to the stars
track your lineage
charge your crystals
and beyond the grasping
return home to your power
release the delegation
the deliberation
the assumptions
the expectations
and observe the power
of pure intention
and innate knowing
we didn’t arrive here by accident
we came to r e s o l v e
again and again
to find
source in the stillness
as we continue to transform
IV -
every moment is a chance to deepen
if we are brave enough
to observe where we might be playing out
loops and patterns of low self worth
as we observe our surroundings
we will find that the external world
reflects back to us
our levels of deservingness
might we need to set boundaries
with people and places
that no longer value us?
might we need to take note
of where we are not valuing ourselves?
a boundary can be set with love
simply an upgrade into the
next best version of you
a no thank you
an i’ve been there done that
an… i’ve got my own back here
when is the last time you stared at yourself
in the mirror to say
i love you i love you i love you
V -
lean in to your wild
explore the urges that have
scared you the most
unravel your conditioning
and explore the you
that exists beneath the layers
of programming
who are you?
beyond titles
beyond money
beyond beauty
beyond gender
beyond circles
beyond partners
beyond your past
what does your soul crave ?
what does it mean to be human for you
on this timeline
in this reality?
how can you rewild
and return to your eternal nature
and in turn, free yourself?
you can be anyone, anything
you choose
remember who you are
… perfect by design
always have been
always will be
give yourself permission to know it
and embody it
and rewild
VI -
right here, right now
everything is okay
we’re just cute lil’ emotional
humans b e i n g
while i was in the bath last night
i imagined myself in the womb
and remembered how small i am
and how magnificent at the same time
it was a relief to know that
i’m just having a temporary physical experience
and this too shall pass
and i am allowed to enjoy it while i’m here
and there’s a reason for my being here
karmic lessons to be played out
love to be made
tears to be shed
euphoria to be felt
and timelines to be healed
VII-
scorpio will have us making friends
with the monster under the bed
…the trauma that we tucked away
so carefully
the emotions we prayed
would never reach the surface
are bubbling up
reaching for our attention
pleading for our affection
what if we met our shadow with love
forgiveness and curiosity
what if we met our shadow like a child
with the ultimate compassion
and the unconditional understanding
that we are all doing the best we can
with what we know
i’m sorry
please forgive me
thank you
i love you
VIII -
“i just got lucky”
yes… you justifiably did
we are only given
what we are ready for
what we are prepared to
handle and integrate
when it comes, it won’t be
too good to be true
because nothing ever is
your life is perfectly orchestrated
for your soul’s highest evolvement
every peak and valley
swell and release
is designed for your growth
so even when pain comes
express gratitude
for the temporary lesson
and when the highs come
accept the gift as your birthright
there are no accidents here
there is no ‘dumb luck’
what is meant for you
will never miss you
IX -
every time we speak
we cast a spell
drawing a reality of our choosing
closer and closer with each breath
do not underestimate your power
while we may not see
immediate results
they will inevitably come
and we’ll call them
coincidences
forgetting that we
cast a spell
many moons ago on a whim
do not underestimate
the power of you
the eternal ‘i am’
the all pervasive is-ness
we are emotional beings
energy in motion
descendants of stars
only more condensed
in a liminal world
that we chose to inhabit
before entering these bodies
you came here
to this timeline, to this reality
on purpose
you cast the spell
and we are remembering
X -
i forgot
to set my new moon intentions
but now that i remember
i feel quite aware
of the constant and subliminal ‘asking’
this round, i’m giving it to the universe
surrendering fully
having stated my desires
so many times
that re-enforcing them now
would set the tone of doubt
every time and time again
that we make the same requests
we are communicating disbelief
‘when are we going to get there?’
i’ve stated it.. claimed if… accepted it
once was enough
and i am grateful
that all that is meant for me, for us
is on its way
to know it, is enough
if only we can be patient
perhaps this is me remembering
that an intention
is not a request
it is actually a knowing
and a claiming
and an honoring
gratitude in advance
XI -
while my logic seeks luxury
i am the happiest
covered in dirt
in sand, salt, dust, and soil
it reminds me of who we really are
the breath slows down
the animal comes out
and the goddess emerges
simultaneously
sometimes i wonder
when and why we started wearing clothes
in the heat
why do we hide ourselves
in so many ways
why do we muffle our expressions
and cling to our pearls
for dear life
maybe this is why we call it
a remembering
rather than an
awakening…
nature holds all of the answers
maybe the biggest luxury we have
is a direct line to gaia
XII -
don’t you ever get lonely?
grandma asked in her most recent letter
hmmm… not lonely
am i…
strange? indeed
triggering? indeed
misunderstood? likely hehe
but I am never alone
and
i believe in the kindness of strangers
and
i know that no matter where we are on
this celestial body.. we are home
in an effort to prove that to myself
over and over again
i seek out adventures
that push me to the edge of comfortability
… ideally beyond
i ask the universe to prove to me
that compassion is innate
that companionship is everywhere
that the perfect teachers will appear
at the perfect moment
and that even in my solitude
i am undeniably connected
it’s mostly that i simply will not wait to
explore and create and play
and that curiosity calls people in
on every trip
new kismet connections emerge
maybe it’s the element of surprise
that i love most.. that i crave most
the ways in which i surprise myself
with each new character i become
and the ways in which i am surprised
again and again by
just how much
i love people
__________
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