Attachment Styles 101
Hi gorgeous,
This last month has led me deep into the waters of attachment styles and understanding myself more deeply (and differently, now that I'm older) through that lens. Attachment styles are formed in childhood, so as you get to know what yours is, I invite you to recall core memories from your childhood (with someone you trust or in your alone time) to understand where those patterns of giving and receiving love originated based on how your caretakers responded to you.
Let's take a look, and maybe you can even identify what your partner, friends or family members are as you get familiarized to strengthen your relationships.
🕊 Secure Attachment: This is like having a cozy blanket wrapped around you on a chilly day. People with secure attachment styles feel comfortable with intimacy and are able to trust others easily. They're confident in themselves and in their relationships. Securely attached individuals don't fear being alone, but they value close connections with others. ** This is the kind of high self-worth that what we're moving toward in our healing work!
Someone with a secure attachment style seeks love by openly expressing their feelings and desires.
🕊 Anxious (Preoccupied) Attachment: Picture being on a rollercoaster ride of emotions. People with anxious attachment styles often feel insecure in relationships. They crave closeness and worry about their partner's feelings and actions. They may fear abandonment and seek constant reassurance from their partner to feel secure. Anxious partners or more likely to act out to garner a response that will make them feel loved.
Someone with an anxious attachment style may seek love by constantly seeking validation and reassurance.
🕊 Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment: Imagine building a fortress around your heart. Individuals with dismissive-avoidant attachment styles tend to prioritize independence and self-sufficiency. They may downplay the importance of relationships and keep emotional distance from others. They value their freedom and may struggle with intimacy, often appearing emotionally distant.
Someone with a dismissive-avoidant attachment style may seek love by maintaining a sense of independence and self-sufficiency..
🕊 Fearful-Avoidant Attachment (aka Disorganized Attachment): It's like walking on a tightrope, not knowing whether to move forward or retreat. People with fearful-avoidant attachment styles often have conflicting desires for closeness and independence. They may fear rejection and have difficulty trusting others. This can lead to erratic behavior in relationships, as they oscillate between seeking intimacy and pushing others away.
Someone with a fearful-avoidant attachment style may seek love with a mix of longing for closeness and fear of intimacy.
Where did you land on the spectrum? Depending on the person I'm with, I can either lean very secure or very anxious. So, I'm learning to choose and entrust people with my energy with much greater discernment.
For my fellow singles out there, it's so important to remember that there is nothing wrong with you if you're feeling misaligned with someone. Styles of communication and a willingness to reach harmony and safety together is of the utmost important which is simply not meant to be with everyone.. and that's okay :)
It's helpful to continue returning to these questions in our most intimate relationships (especially with new romantic partners):
Journal or contemplate:
Do I like who I become around this person? (!!!) Am I embodying my most empowered and brightest self?
Does this person bring out the best in me? Or do I freak out because my needs aren't being met?
Am I self-abandoning in any way with them?
Do I actually respect them as a person regardless of our physical attraction to one another?
Where can I take responsibility for my own healing and what steps can I live as a more secure person in partnerships?
What is meant for you will never miss you, sweet soul.
_____________
There are two ways to work together:
